I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
