dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
