dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
