I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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