dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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