apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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