Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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