so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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