Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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