Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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