help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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