wat bout pragnant strippers??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
