I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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