I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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