You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
