Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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