I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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