shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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