Will you blow on my dice?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
