A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
