he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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