So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
