In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
