i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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