I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
