I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
