oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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