If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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