im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
