Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
