I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
