Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Damn victory sex feels great
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