I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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