Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
