mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
