This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
