i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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