I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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