does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
