my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
