meet me or not, i'm out of control
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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