You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
