I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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