I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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