You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
