you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
