you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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