He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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