your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
