Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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