Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
