Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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