Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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