Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
