Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
