his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
