so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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