Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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