Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
