Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
