I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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