Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
