that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
