sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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