holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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