Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
