We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
