I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
