This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
