i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
