New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
