OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
