Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
