I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
