whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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