broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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