a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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