Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
