If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize