My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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