dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize