we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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