I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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