Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
